Day 1a - the Second Try

Well - today is the day that I QUIT smoking for good. I've only thought about it once tonight, and when I did, I took a friend's advice (thank you Mr. Myles!) and 'quit that cigarette'. Basically, in addition to the Chantix, I'm trying to think of EACH CIGARETTE as a chance to quit. 1 at a time. It's good, simple advice, and I don't think I've ever thought of things in this way before.

Maybe it's because writing forces you to be introspective (at least blogging or "journalling" sure does)... but I've been thinking more about the past in relation to my smoking. Today, my parents came over for lunch and Jen and I were able to leave the house for an hour or so to get some shopping done, "Forrest-free".

While out, I told my Dad about the blog and asked him to check it out. I even pulled up the webpage for him on my computer.

Then, while Jen and I were shopping, I was hit with something.

Now - first let me say - my parents both know that I've been smoking. I basically decided to tell them two years ago. We went on a trip with them, to Boston, and during the planning for the trip I told them about it. I think my Mom knew before, and my Dad also knew (or at least had some idea) - but this blog would be the first time that either of them would know the following points:

1. I used to smoke outside of their house at Valley Center.
2. I sometimes did it while they were sleeping.
3. Sometimes when I took Dakota for walks, I was smoking.
4. I out-and-out lied (not lies of omission) when asked about smoking when I was in New York or the couple of times that Dad picked me up from a friend's house.

There are probably countless other things that I've done and ways that I've lied to them. I am actually kind of glad that I can't remember them all. I have a newfound respect and caring for my family now that I've become a father. We were always a close (but loudly discussing) family, but it's much more so now. I feel bad enough about the lies that I mentioned above... more would just be gratuitous.

So - I realized that prior to reading this blog, my Dad probably didn't have any idea that I smoked all of those years right under their noses. We kind of talked about it when I initially told them I'd been smoking "for a while", but by not ever talking about HOW long, I never had to take full responsibility for anything more than a few months, which meant that I didn't ever really REALIZE that I'd been a smoker for a long time until I hit 10 years... and that was a revelation...

It is another in a long line of realizations that this period of introspection has inspired.

I need to start updating you all on my running and stuff. Yesterday I ran about 2 miles, and run/walk alternated another 1.5... pretty good day, all in all. If this headache goes away, I'm thinking about trying out a group class AFTER I run tomorrow. We'll see what happens.