Happy Wednesday! Here we are again. 5 cigarettes so far today, planning 1 more tonight, then tomorrow is the LAST DAY!!! Craziness. I'm of mixed feelings about the whole thing, but here we are... here we are... In honor of this, and the fact that I just haven't talked about it yet, I thought I would go a bit into WHY I initially started smoking.
When I was 19, and a freshman in college, I was in a play called "The Great Frozen Man". In this play I was cast as a young teen who was bucking authority and, when his mother loses it because his grandfather goes into a coma, starts to smoke and have trouble in school.
It was a lot of fun. It was an original play, and I was eager to do everything that I could to make the part all that it could have been. When I was reading the play the first time, I remember thinking - okay - I'm going to have to smoke during this. I had seen the fake cigarettes used on stage with kids or teens when they were playing parts that "required" smoking, and I did not like them. I did not think it looked real, so I went and bought a pack.
Camel Menthols. I thought - yeah, those look good. And they're supposed to be minty.
Whoa - I was wrong. They were gross! (and I mean, more gross than my non-menthol cigarettes... or something like that).
I spent a few days working on them, trying them out. At that time I was living with my parents, so I was trying them late at night or while I was at school, hoping that nobody would smell them on me. But it just drove me crazy.
Then, a friend saw my cigarettes and wretched, then offered me a Marlboro Ultra Light. At that point, I switched over, smoking 1-2 cigarettes a day, hoping that it would get me to a point where I stopped getting light-headed and not feel like I was going to pass out.
The Director and other folks in the cast told me often that I did NOT need to start smoking for the show. And I felt the same way... but I also felt that I really needed to know what it was... I wanted to be the most incredible actor... and I did not think I could do it without smoking.
To be continued...
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Miscount - not sure what day it is...
I believe that I actually have 2 days left after today... which means that I didn't get the right days marked on my countdown. But here we are. 12/29 and working through it.
Today - 5 cigarettes. Worked out this morning, and it HURT... but I'm excited to keep going.
Further updates tomorrow. Sorry so short today. Having some computer issues that I've been fixing all night, and it's bed time.
Today - 5 cigarettes. Worked out this morning, and it HURT... but I'm excited to keep going.
Further updates tomorrow. Sorry so short today. Having some computer issues that I've been fixing all night, and it's bed time.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Day -2 - Back in the Saddle
Today was the first day back to work after 4 days off. It was actually a really great day, but it was really hard. It turns out that I really AM able to turn things off when I'm at home, now that Forrest is here.
But, aside from all of that, today was a good day. Productive. 6 cigarettes throughout the day, which was more than I had intended, but not terrible.
Now I'm getting ready to go to bed, hoping to wake up in time to work out tomorrow. The past few mornings I've just been so tired that I haven't been in the mood to do anything but go back to sleep, as quickly as possible.
Whe I think about smoking, it usually inspires good feelings. But since Forrest has been born mostly all I have felt is stinky and old. It's so frustrating to stink, to not be able to come close to him until I've washed off completely and often changed clothes. It drives me crazy. And yet...
The compulsion to smoke, to continue smoking... is sometimes overpowering. I mentioned earlier how pervasive it is. A friend of mine remarked on facebook that the hardest thing about quitting for HIM, was all of the times that he encountered firsts. Like - the first few weeks riding in the car without smoking (oe that I've thankfully given up for almost a year ow)... the first time that you go out onto the porch to read without smoking, the first time out at a bar... those times... and countless others.
Smoking is a habit that infiltrates everything that you do. For me - smoking is relaxation. Smoking is release. It's a time when my head can clear completely, and I can just do nothing... be nothing, and still be okay.
The rest of the time, it seems like I live the cliche rate race... always moving and trying to get to the next thing. And somehow, I've turned smoking into this mecca-like existence. It's kind of sick I think, and yet I continue to be drawn to it. Even now, I'm thinking about how nice it would be go to back outside after I'm done writing this... to just go outside and read and relax... when I should just be doing to bed. I shouldn't NEED to do that... and I don't need to.
Signig off. NOT going outside. Just going to get the laundry from downstairs and go to bed. Thanks for being there for me while I'm doing all of this. Your support means a lot to me.
But, aside from all of that, today was a good day. Productive. 6 cigarettes throughout the day, which was more than I had intended, but not terrible.
Now I'm getting ready to go to bed, hoping to wake up in time to work out tomorrow. The past few mornings I've just been so tired that I haven't been in the mood to do anything but go back to sleep, as quickly as possible.
Whe I think about smoking, it usually inspires good feelings. But since Forrest has been born mostly all I have felt is stinky and old. It's so frustrating to stink, to not be able to come close to him until I've washed off completely and often changed clothes. It drives me crazy. And yet...
The compulsion to smoke, to continue smoking... is sometimes overpowering. I mentioned earlier how pervasive it is. A friend of mine remarked on facebook that the hardest thing about quitting for HIM, was all of the times that he encountered firsts. Like - the first few weeks riding in the car without smoking (oe that I've thankfully given up for almost a year ow)... the first time that you go out onto the porch to read without smoking, the first time out at a bar... those times... and countless others.
Smoking is a habit that infiltrates everything that you do. For me - smoking is relaxation. Smoking is release. It's a time when my head can clear completely, and I can just do nothing... be nothing, and still be okay.
The rest of the time, it seems like I live the cliche rate race... always moving and trying to get to the next thing. And somehow, I've turned smoking into this mecca-like existence. It's kind of sick I think, and yet I continue to be drawn to it. Even now, I'm thinking about how nice it would be go to back outside after I'm done writing this... to just go outside and read and relax... when I should just be doing to bed. I shouldn't NEED to do that... and I don't need to.
Signig off. NOT going outside. Just going to get the laundry from downstairs and go to bed. Thanks for being there for me while I'm doing all of this. Your support means a lot to me.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Day -3 - Buying my final pack
Today I bought what I intend to be my final pack of cigarettes.
To quickly get the statistics out there for you - 6 cigarettes today. No work out. Back to the gym tomorrow...
I'm amazed at how much money I've spent on cigarettes. I think any smoker would tell you the same, but for a long time it was something ancillary to my thoughts. We actually paid for my cigarettes as a budgeted part of our expenses. My wife thankfully runs a tight budget for us now. If we didn't have it we would truly be in a lot of trouble with our finances.
Over the past few months since I've started smoking again, however, I've been paying for them with my own money (part of my allowance). I certainly did not realize how much it would impact my ability to pay for things that I wanted (a soda at work, a new DVD, taking my wife on a date). As I've realized how much it's costing, I've come to understand this need as part of feeding the addiction.
I've done things - scrounged through my savings (a change jar which, for a time, was bereft of quarters thanks to my habit), spent money that was meant for other things - and I'm pleased to own this pledge - that I shall never do this again.
Well - again - a short post thanks to the BSOD. Have a great night. Talk to you all tomorrow.
To quickly get the statistics out there for you - 6 cigarettes today. No work out. Back to the gym tomorrow...
I'm amazed at how much money I've spent on cigarettes. I think any smoker would tell you the same, but for a long time it was something ancillary to my thoughts. We actually paid for my cigarettes as a budgeted part of our expenses. My wife thankfully runs a tight budget for us now. If we didn't have it we would truly be in a lot of trouble with our finances.
Over the past few months since I've started smoking again, however, I've been paying for them with my own money (part of my allowance). I certainly did not realize how much it would impact my ability to pay for things that I wanted (a soda at work, a new DVD, taking my wife on a date). As I've realized how much it's costing, I've come to understand this need as part of feeding the addiction.
I've done things - scrounged through my savings (a change jar which, for a time, was bereft of quarters thanks to my habit), spent money that was meant for other things - and I'm pleased to own this pledge - that I shall never do this again.
Well - again - a short post thanks to the BSOD. Have a great night. Talk to you all tomorrow.
Sidebar 1 - Ruminations on the Passage of Time
I recently became a father. My first-born, Forrest, came into our lives in May 2009. During the pregnancy, as I was reading about (and mostly discussing with my wife) pregnancy, birth, and childcare I started to have some thoughts about how we perceive the passage of time.
I often hear people mention times that things trigger strong memories. During the first few weeks of the pregnancy, I noticed pictures of my parents with me when I was a baby and young child. Some of these pictures brought back memories that I didn't know existed, and one of these memories is the reason that I'm writing this.
Have you ever thought to yourself "I wish Friday would just get here already"...
Do you remember wishing that you would just grow up, when you were a child?
One of my memories was instigated by both of these statements. I was looking through pictures on a Monday evening, and wishing that I did not have to wake up for work the next morning. It reminded me of being a child and wishing that I could just be a grown-up. How long ago it seems, sometimes, that I made that wish. And now I've been out of high school for almost 12 years. When I think about the time that's passed it hardly seems possible.
The other piece of the puzzle that caused me to start considering the passage of time was looking through pictures of myself when I was a child. In those pictures I see my parents - younger than now, but still looking far more 'respectable and mature' than I feel I will look when Forrest looks at pictures of us as he is contemplating his future, his significant other, or his first child. And it was this realization that set things off inside of my mind.
What if time is not linear, as we perceive it. What if these strong memories and feelings we attribute to 'reminiscing of fonder times' are actually points at which we are closer to the moments that we previously experienced than we have been since. What if time is thematic, or relational. Times that intersect particular interests, emotions, or themes in our life are actually linked in some way that makes them more than a simple history or chronology.
This is a rudimentary design, and certainly not close to being a full theorem on the passage of time. And yet - I feel the more I think about it the closer I am to being able to state it in a way that people will understand. As a word on the tip of your tongue that you can't quite remember... it may nag at you until you figure it out. Or it may be lost to the myriad other events and sensations in life.
It is in this way that I feel that this discussion is not only interesting but also crucial. When I consider all of this within the scope of the world in which we live, it is given a new meaning. Welcome to America, the world with "the city that never sleeps", where productivity means more than FAMILY. If we could understand the importance of such close calls with our personal histories, could we not come to a greater understanding of the 'human condition'?
Okay - this is the first of many sidebars. I would love to hear your thoughts. But for now, thanks to the BSOD, I'll leave it here.
I often hear people mention times that things trigger strong memories. During the first few weeks of the pregnancy, I noticed pictures of my parents with me when I was a baby and young child. Some of these pictures brought back memories that I didn't know existed, and one of these memories is the reason that I'm writing this.
Have you ever thought to yourself "I wish Friday would just get here already"...
Do you remember wishing that you would just grow up, when you were a child?
One of my memories was instigated by both of these statements. I was looking through pictures on a Monday evening, and wishing that I did not have to wake up for work the next morning. It reminded me of being a child and wishing that I could just be a grown-up. How long ago it seems, sometimes, that I made that wish. And now I've been out of high school for almost 12 years. When I think about the time that's passed it hardly seems possible.
The other piece of the puzzle that caused me to start considering the passage of time was looking through pictures of myself when I was a child. In those pictures I see my parents - younger than now, but still looking far more 'respectable and mature' than I feel I will look when Forrest looks at pictures of us as he is contemplating his future, his significant other, or his first child. And it was this realization that set things off inside of my mind.
What if time is not linear, as we perceive it. What if these strong memories and feelings we attribute to 'reminiscing of fonder times' are actually points at which we are closer to the moments that we previously experienced than we have been since. What if time is thematic, or relational. Times that intersect particular interests, emotions, or themes in our life are actually linked in some way that makes them more than a simple history or chronology.
This is a rudimentary design, and certainly not close to being a full theorem on the passage of time. And yet - I feel the more I think about it the closer I am to being able to state it in a way that people will understand. As a word on the tip of your tongue that you can't quite remember... it may nag at you until you figure it out. Or it may be lost to the myriad other events and sensations in life.
It is in this way that I feel that this discussion is not only interesting but also crucial. When I consider all of this within the scope of the world in which we live, it is given a new meaning. Welcome to America, the world with "the city that never sleeps", where productivity means more than FAMILY. If we could understand the importance of such close calls with our personal histories, could we not come to a greater understanding of the 'human condition'?
Okay - this is the first of many sidebars. I would love to hear your thoughts. But for now, thanks to the BSOD, I'll leave it here.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Day -4 - The Countdown Continues, Old Friends Reunite
Today was another day full of Christmas spirit. Jennifer, Forrest and I spent some time with two groups of phenomenal friends, and I smoked. Not too much. But not a small amount, either. I did find out that this winter, the cold/dry air is apparently too much for my hands. I'm guessing that it has a lot to do with my smoking, given that my hands are out in the cold... and now they're not only chapped, but they're bleeding. UGH!
Maybe this will go away on its own?
6 cigarettes today, and 1 more likely for tonight. I haven't decided yet...
Today was a great day, though. I'm sad to say that again I didn't work out. I'm feeling REALLY tired all the time, and when I think about quitting I'm not sure how I feel. Part of me is proud that I'm planning to take this step for keeps, and other parts of me (I'm assuming this is where the "addiction" thing comes from) is NOT happy about it. That part of me just wants to keep smoking... and surprise, it gets louder each and every day.
I still took my time today to go outside and stop for a cigarette. Starting tomorrow I'm going to stop myself from doing excessive breaks, and not have multiple cigarettes in one outing. I'm hoping to spend three of my waking hours sitting in a theater watching the (allegedly) epic "Avatar". I'll admit, I'm pretty excited. Hopefully we'll have a theater where we can watch in 3D. We'll see.
Back to smoking - it's very strange for me to think that somehow I've been smoking for over a third of my life. That seems like a long, LONG time... and in other ways it feels like I haven't been smoking all that long. The last 11 years have rightly FLOWN by... not as quick as the last 7 months (by the way - Forrest is 7 months old today).
Phew.
Tomorrow - further ruminations on the flow of time (sidebar blog) and then more on smoking.
Have a great Sunday everyone!
Maybe this will go away on its own?
6 cigarettes today, and 1 more likely for tonight. I haven't decided yet...
Today was a great day, though. I'm sad to say that again I didn't work out. I'm feeling REALLY tired all the time, and when I think about quitting I'm not sure how I feel. Part of me is proud that I'm planning to take this step for keeps, and other parts of me (I'm assuming this is where the "addiction" thing comes from) is NOT happy about it. That part of me just wants to keep smoking... and surprise, it gets louder each and every day.
I still took my time today to go outside and stop for a cigarette. Starting tomorrow I'm going to stop myself from doing excessive breaks, and not have multiple cigarettes in one outing. I'm hoping to spend three of my waking hours sitting in a theater watching the (allegedly) epic "Avatar". I'll admit, I'm pretty excited. Hopefully we'll have a theater where we can watch in 3D. We'll see.
Back to smoking - it's very strange for me to think that somehow I've been smoking for over a third of my life. That seems like a long, LONG time... and in other ways it feels like I haven't been smoking all that long. The last 11 years have rightly FLOWN by... not as quick as the last 7 months (by the way - Forrest is 7 months old today).
Phew.
Tomorrow - further ruminations on the flow of time (sidebar blog) and then more on smoking.
Have a great Sunday everyone!
Friday, December 25, 2009
Day -5 - Welcome to Christmas
Here we are, another day gone, another night up later than I intended. What an amazing day, though. Great time with Jen's family. Forrest didn't sleep much, but things were otherwise really good. I got an iPod Nano from Jen's folks, and new running shoes and an iPod sensor for my shoes from my parents... It's like having your own personal trainer! So - expect to see more about my running and hopefully less about smoking as things advance.
Didn't work out today. I don't know if the gym was even open, but with the TERRIBLE weather combined with the fact that I awoke about 10 minutes before it was time to leave... there just wasn't time. I had 6 cigarettes today. Not a TON, but more than I had intended to...
I think the hardest part of quitting for me is going to be finding something else to do that I hope will have a similar effect when I'm stressed out. Right now that's the thing that I think about. I really like getting to step away from things for a few minutes. It's helpful for me to be able to clear my mind and get away... and going outside is a literal way to make that happen.
What I need to figure out is a short-term solution to complete the same goal... I think the writing is going to help with that. If I start writing when I usually would be going out for my "final" cigarette, that will handle the last of the evening... but what to do about the morning and afternoon?
I'll be testing things out, and I'll let you know what happens and maybe we can all learn some new things.
Hope that you're all having a happy holiday! I look forward to continuing to talk and move onto to other topics. But for now - Happy Christmas to those who celebrate!
Didn't work out today. I don't know if the gym was even open, but with the TERRIBLE weather combined with the fact that I awoke about 10 minutes before it was time to leave... there just wasn't time. I had 6 cigarettes today. Not a TON, but more than I had intended to...
I think the hardest part of quitting for me is going to be finding something else to do that I hope will have a similar effect when I'm stressed out. Right now that's the thing that I think about. I really like getting to step away from things for a few minutes. It's helpful for me to be able to clear my mind and get away... and going outside is a literal way to make that happen.
What I need to figure out is a short-term solution to complete the same goal... I think the writing is going to help with that. If I start writing when I usually would be going out for my "final" cigarette, that will handle the last of the evening... but what to do about the morning and afternoon?
I'll be testing things out, and I'll let you know what happens and maybe we can all learn some new things.
Hope that you're all having a happy holiday! I look forward to continuing to talk and move onto to other topics. But for now - Happy Christmas to those who celebrate!
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Day -6 - It's Christmas Eve - and it's freezing! Is that why I'm feeling so stream of consciousness right now?
Here I am for the third night in a row. Again up later than I was planning, but today it probably makes sense since I took two long naps in between meals. That's what's great about the holidays, right? You eat kind of guilt-free and don't worry about the fact that you're going to be paying for it next week... that explains part of my problem, huh? I always like this one - "I'm not fat, I'm festively plump" - Eric Cartman (from the South Park Christmas special)
Something I'm not going to miss when I've quit - going outside in weather like today. It's absolutely freezing out, there is snow and ice being blown EVERYWHERE, getting in EVERYTHING, and it just keeps coming. I went out shortly after we got home and by the time I got inside I was completely covered with ice that then immediately melted into my jacket.
Today was a pretty great day, and I only had 5 cigarettes, which is quite a bit better than yesterday. Lots of good time with family, and like I said earlier lots of naps and sleeping, made for a good time and didn't let me think much about going out for a smoke... which was nice.
Tomorrow we're going to Jen's folks for Christmas day, and we'll likely spend the whole day out there. No real awnings around the house, so I won't be able to go out without getting all wet and cold again, which is another incentive to quit.
For today I just thought I would talk about the holiday, and share my experience. Even though there is always some stress for me around the holidays, specifically around spending extended periods of time with large groups (even if they are family)... so I usually think about smoking a LOT because I decided at some point that it was a good way for me to get away for a moment and compose myself from time to time. (I don't get upset, just anxious sometimes)
Things have been pretty different since Forrest was born. I've realized how important time is with our family, and just how much we SHOULD be relying on each other. I've spent a lot of time reflecting on 2 things:
1) our perception of time (is it really linear?), and
2) our society has become very isolated - we connect, but in completely different ways that those before us. I do believe "it takes a village", and I've really enjoyed getting to see and learn from my relatives during this process.
We'll see what happens, and I'll be pushing further into these reflections on those days when I don't spend too much time thinking about cigarettes... or maybe when all I can do is think about them.
Have a happy holiday!
Something I'm not going to miss when I've quit - going outside in weather like today. It's absolutely freezing out, there is snow and ice being blown EVERYWHERE, getting in EVERYTHING, and it just keeps coming. I went out shortly after we got home and by the time I got inside I was completely covered with ice that then immediately melted into my jacket.
Today was a pretty great day, and I only had 5 cigarettes, which is quite a bit better than yesterday. Lots of good time with family, and like I said earlier lots of naps and sleeping, made for a good time and didn't let me think much about going out for a smoke... which was nice.
Tomorrow we're going to Jen's folks for Christmas day, and we'll likely spend the whole day out there. No real awnings around the house, so I won't be able to go out without getting all wet and cold again, which is another incentive to quit.
For today I just thought I would talk about the holiday, and share my experience. Even though there is always some stress for me around the holidays, specifically around spending extended periods of time with large groups (even if they are family)... so I usually think about smoking a LOT because I decided at some point that it was a good way for me to get away for a moment and compose myself from time to time. (I don't get upset, just anxious sometimes)
Things have been pretty different since Forrest was born. I've realized how important time is with our family, and just how much we SHOULD be relying on each other. I've spent a lot of time reflecting on 2 things:
1) our perception of time (is it really linear?), and
2) our society has become very isolated - we connect, but in completely different ways that those before us. I do believe "it takes a village", and I've really enjoyed getting to see and learn from my relatives during this process.
We'll see what happens, and I'll be pushing further into these reflections on those days when I don't spend too much time thinking about cigarettes... or maybe when all I can do is think about them.
Have a happy holiday!
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Day -7 - the day before the day before Christmas... does that make sense?
Well, it's another day since I started this endeavor. Today I had a few more cigarettes than yesterday. Woke up late after working on Christmas gifts late into the evening last night. Started well, had 1 before work and then broke down throughout the day and had a few more than anticipated.
For my second post - I thought I would outline some of my history regarding smoking. My earliest memories of smoke and smoking both involve my Mom's family.
The first: I was riding somewhere with my Papa (maternal Grandfather). He stopped a picked up a few cartons of cigarettes. I remember thinking that smoking was bad, and that he shouldn't have them. I told him so, and then I threw them out the window.
This in and of itself is bad, in its way... but I threw them into a ditch, which happened to be filled with water. By the time Papa stopped the car and went back to get them, they were ruined. All I really remember is that he was really, REALLY upset with me. At the time I didn't understand. I was trying to help him.
I have since "joked" (but I think there's some truth there) that now that I smoke, I would understand if he HAD wanted to kick my ass.
The second: My aunt smoked for a long time. I remember fondly riding in her car and liking the smell of old cigarettes. It might have had something to do with just thinking that she was the coolest person that I knew. I look up to her still... it has NOT a little bit to do with the fact that she always treated me like a person, an equal... not a kid.
I don't know what it was. To be honest - it's one of the last things that I really remember smelling.
Alright. Late enough already. Happy Holiday!
For my second post - I thought I would outline some of my history regarding smoking. My earliest memories of smoke and smoking both involve my Mom's family.
The first: I was riding somewhere with my Papa (maternal Grandfather). He stopped a picked up a few cartons of cigarettes. I remember thinking that smoking was bad, and that he shouldn't have them. I told him so, and then I threw them out the window.
This in and of itself is bad, in its way... but I threw them into a ditch, which happened to be filled with water. By the time Papa stopped the car and went back to get them, they were ruined. All I really remember is that he was really, REALLY upset with me. At the time I didn't understand. I was trying to help him.
I have since "joked" (but I think there's some truth there) that now that I smoke, I would understand if he HAD wanted to kick my ass.
The second: My aunt smoked for a long time. I remember fondly riding in her car and liking the smell of old cigarettes. It might have had something to do with just thinking that she was the coolest person that I knew. I look up to her still... it has NOT a little bit to do with the fact that she always treated me like a person, an equal... not a kid.
I don't know what it was. To be honest - it's one of the last things that I really remember smelling.
Alright. Late enough already. Happy Holiday!
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Day -8 (First Blog) - Time To Quit
This is my first personal blog. I have been a smoker for the better part of the past eleven years, since I was nineteen. This year - I quit for five months, smoked lightly for the following three, and have started slipping down the path of least resistance.
Using cigarettes is such a pervasive action. I didn't realize it when I started. Honestly, I thought I would be able to quit at any time (that's a little bit cliche isn't it?). Only in the past two-three years have I realized that this is not the case - which DID NOT mean that I wanted to quit. As a matter of fact, even as I'm sitting writing this first post, I've been thinking about reasons NOT to quit.
This blog is my attempt to mitigate those circumstances under which I would generally EXCUSE continuing to smoke. My plan is to write daily, to talk about how I'm doing, and to go through the exercise of discussing 1-why I started smoking, 2-why I continued to smoke, and 3-why I'm quitting.
I think it will be an adventure. But to anyone reading - you are my support group (and I will be yours). Starting 1st January, 2010, I will be smoke free and talking. Instead of putting a cigarette in my hand at night, I'm going to sit down and write.
Maybe this will be cathartic for you as well.
Good luck.
Forgot to add:
Workout this morning - only 25 push-ups, 20 sit-ups, 20 crunches, and 30 minutes of cardio.
Smoked 5 cigarettes today.
See you tomorrow.
Using cigarettes is such a pervasive action. I didn't realize it when I started. Honestly, I thought I would be able to quit at any time (that's a little bit cliche isn't it?). Only in the past two-three years have I realized that this is not the case - which DID NOT mean that I wanted to quit. As a matter of fact, even as I'm sitting writing this first post, I've been thinking about reasons NOT to quit.
This blog is my attempt to mitigate those circumstances under which I would generally EXCUSE continuing to smoke. My plan is to write daily, to talk about how I'm doing, and to go through the exercise of discussing 1-why I started smoking, 2-why I continued to smoke, and 3-why I'm quitting.
I think it will be an adventure. But to anyone reading - you are my support group (and I will be yours). Starting 1st January, 2010, I will be smoke free and talking. Instead of putting a cigarette in my hand at night, I'm going to sit down and write.
Maybe this will be cathartic for you as well.
Good luck.
Forgot to add:
Workout this morning - only 25 push-ups, 20 sit-ups, 20 crunches, and 30 minutes of cardio.
Smoked 5 cigarettes today.
See you tomorrow.
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